The Coffee Shop Diaries - Let's talk

Monday, June 10, 2019

Welcome back to the coffee shop diaries :) It's been a hot minute, but I finally came home after so long. To be honest, I was kind of avoiding coming because... well the secrets out... my family has been going through changes. It's been a while now, but it finally happened. My family has met the quota "50% of all marriages end in divorce." I used to consider myself one of the lucky ones, and to be honest I was and still am, however, broken beyond words. I never thought something like this would happen... Didn't think the process would hurt this much, but this is still only the beginning. 

I never thought I'd be sharing this, but honestly, I have been seeking guidance and advice. 
I've talked to friends here and there whose parents got a divorce, but when they were much younger, so they have been dealing with it for a while or have adjusted to the changes already. Being 23 and only knowing my parents' relationship has taken a tole on me and my personal life. I am a little more afraid now about relationships than what I was already. I am such a romantic that it's hard to see the two humans I love most in this world for not only being amazing parents, but beautiful humans. I began talking to friends asking if what I feel is normal. 

For one... I have become scared of my own relationship and kinds started picking little fights for no reason just because of what I heard from my parents. Two, I'm a little afraid to be open with my boyfriend because I feel like everything I have heard is about opening up to someone and letting them in when one day they can just leave your life forever, three I no longer want to show my weak spots. I literally want to be this boss a** chick that doesn't need anyone and it's not that I didn't before, but now I just don't want to show where I am weak. (Even if I'm a cry baby and love having a support system lol) Literally, this divorce has not been fun at all. I have to now split mom and dad time and have to get use to the fact that maybe one day my parents might date again and possibly date someone with a family (did I mention I'm the jealous type) I forbid my parents to love any other child that isn't blood related... Oh man,  I'd perhaps go crazy because of all the movies I've seen lol. (Sorry, not sorry I want all the love ha-ha).  I don't even like thinking about moving out of my house soon, or seeing my parents hurt in their own way, and then the selfish part of me thinking about when I'm older, having to wedding plan without having them both there, taking my future kids to two separate households. Man, the list goes on. 
 I think my biggest struggle right now is helping my momma get back up on her feet.

My mom stopped working 27ish years ago to raise her kids. My older sister, brother, and I. My daddy worked worked to put food on the table, clothes on our backs, and well they made it work to raise us into the people we are today. Without both of their hard work and efforts our life would be completely different. I for one would have not known what to do as a child mom cooked for us, washed our clothes, cleaned for us, took us to school, to the doctor, and so much more. My dad... When I found out how little he made back in the day I was in disbelief that he raised and entire family on that pay. I am forever grateful for them both. They have my heart, literally, both my best friends for life. I could never & mean ever choose sides. I have both their backs as they have had mine. Both my parents are amazing, sadly 26 years of marriage later... Time changed and flew by they never realized they stopped being a team. (Life is hard)

I know what you're thinking TMI right? Well... That may be but my heart is aching and I needed to get this off my chest. I don't know how to proceed with this process, but I am taking it by the horns and owning it. Supporting my dad through this transition and helping my mom start a new life for herself. It's hard... Real hard. Ultimately, I just want them both to be happy you know? They have been giving me relationship advice on things (to do and not to do) and I can't help but think that maybe they were meant to teach us how to me in a relationship and so life has brought this challenge to them for us... The kids to learn about.  I just have so many mixed emotions on how to feel, act, and help that it gets the best of me. I wanted to share this today so I can one read it as the years go by, share a little bit of what's been happening in my life, and seek guidance from anyone willing to share their story. Honestly, I'd truly appreciate it. 

This is the quote I try to read every so often when I started to say my "Broken family"

“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” 
— C. Joybell C.

It's the truth, my family isn't broken we all really love each other... I guess God just has different plans for my parents. All I can do is be there, support them, love them and pray that the rest of their life is grand.

Coffee Shop: Sweet Tweets

Coffee Drinks: Iced Machiatto with Hazelnut & Latte

Iced tea: Peach flavored 

Tuna sandwich & chips 

Cupcakes: Red Velvet & Snickerdoodle 

Make sure you stop by and visit if you ever find yourself in Eagle Pass, TX 

Love always, Jazz 

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